That One Thing

Often in live, we find ourselves stuck in our longing for ‘that one thing’. That ‘one thing’ can be anything: a relationship, a job, a diploma, or anything else we want to achieve. When we are stuck in this longing, it seems like nothing else really matters. It is always there in the back of our minds, consuming our energy, often without us even being aware of it. We tell ourselves we just need to have that one thing and only then we will be happy, then we will be where we need to be. At the same time it seems very hard to achieve. No matter how hard we try, it is always just out of reach. It seems to slide through our fingers like water. We tell ourselves we need to try just a little harder or maybe in a slightly different way, and then we will be fine.

At the same time we seem to beat ourselves up for not getting it. We start creating a whole story around it. Why is it so hard for me? What is wrong with me? We start comparing ourselves. Everyone else seems to have it, so why can’t I? The whole world is right, but we are just wrong, we just do not fit in. We tell ourselves it is just not fair and get angry at other people, God or the world. We think they are cheating on us, tricking us into this never ending cat and mouse game of our unfulfilled need. And we cry out, much in the same way Job did in his timeless story about being treated unfairly by fate: ‘For the arrows of the Almighty are within me, the poison whereof drinketh up my spirit. The terrors of God do set themselves in array against me.’ (Job 6:4)

At the same time, paradoxically, we get attached to this story of us being failures, of the world not treating us right. We stop trying to see things otherwise and refuse to put things in perspective. It is as if we want to make the pieces of the puzzle fit so badly, that we just think this is the way it is. The world just sucks. We just suck. We want to be special so badly that we believe it is the unfairness of our fate that singles us out. And so we think we are the only ones suffering from this condition and that no one can understand us. We wallow away in self-pity and self-chosen exile from the world. ‘O remember that my life is wind, mine eye shall no more see good.’ (Job 7:7)

When Job keeps on complaining like this, God eventually gets really angry at him: ‘Where were thou when I laid the foundations of the earth?’ (Job 38:4) In other words: Who the hell do you think you are? What right do you have to complain like this. What do you know about life? Stop making up all these stories. Stop attaching to them. Stop repeating the same patterns over and over in your head. Stop criticizing yourself. Stop thinking you are doing any worse than others. We all suffer. Nobody’s life is really perfect. Stop running after that one thing. Just give it your best. Either it will come or it will not, without you being able to influence it that much. ‘Hast thou an arm like God? Or canst thou thunder with a voice like him?’ (Job 40:9)

Your happiness does not depend on getting that one thing. Maybe you will get it, but if you do, the next ‘thing’ will just come along, or – even worse – you just might lose it again and will forever live in fear to lose it. Happiness does not depend on one thing, rather, it depends on not being dependent on that one thing. It depends on your ability to put things into perspective. If there is any fairness or righteousness in this world, it is that happiness comes to those who can let go.

You do not need that one thing. The one thing you need is to let go and accept whatever comes along. This is the wisdom of Job: Naked I came out of my mother’s womb and naked I shall return hither. The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away.’ (Job 1:21) Life will never give you that one thing that will change everything for once and for all. It might never even give you what you want, but if you try, it might well give you what you need, the ability to embrace whatever it gives you.